30 April 2007 @ 12:00 AM

A lot of things.

And I became diligent today.

Well, not in studies but in practice. Lol. Just realised I didn't do my EC tutorial! Ahhhhhhhhhh, my GPA. :(

Anyway, I did all the overdue stuff I've planned long long ago today. Cut my hair, buy new specs, organize my desk, bring the printer over to my desk. Ok, there's really not much difficulty for all these tasks, but the difficulty lies in getting myself motivated to do them. You know, promises made to ourselves tend to get broken the most easily.

People who will get to see me tomorrow probably wont realise I cut my hair anyway, because only the fringe changed. And for a good reason too, because...... I'm going to try long hair. Hmm, I think. Or maybe a few days later I will change my mind again or something.

Oh well, doesn't really matter.

I am happy, despite the stupid EC assignment which slipped my mind totally. I'm going to attempt AAA now. Conquer maths.

xoxo

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28 April 2007 @ 2:10 AM

and OMG.

Well, after I did the previous post I went to look around the blogosphere and I saw Ming Jie's latest post. Something I want to clarify is that the previous post wasn't a reply to his post, but a reply to a question he and Sherwin asked me in the library, and everytime when they ask me how to go about grouping.

AIGHTTTTTTTTS.

I really really really need to sigh out loud. Just to vent off those crazy bottled up feelings. But a sigh isn't enough and I really do feel like shouting, and crying on someone's shoulder. But then not.

Get this, I'm very contradicting. Hees.


Aights, till I know what I want to say first.
For now, CHOTTO MATTE! :))

xoxo

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@ 12:25 AM

Eye to eye.

You know, there's something wrong, and at the same time, there isn't.
Because, right or wrong, it's up to one to judge. Moral values, family background, stuff. It's like how there's no right or wrong to dye your hair or not. You get the idea?

I don't know how to put it across, but I just don't want to make a stand. Because, my stand will affect yours. Ultimately. And I don't want to affect your stand. I don't want anyone to give way, to compromise for me. In the end, don't account to me. Account to yourself. Because in the end, we are still individuals. There are still our own needs and wants we want to satisfy.

Whatever the case, the fact still remains that we are very different. Are you going to give in (or try to) to me all the time? A discussion between us brings us nowhere, since we are both so extreme. Extreme, as in two ends of the spectrum, as in group 1 metals and the noble gases, as in plant cells and animal cells, as in hot and cold, as in yes and no. So, go ahead with your decision. My stand will only make you demoralised, make your stand be compromised; it will never be anything near an encouragement.

What makes me tick? Call me shallow, call me naive, call me stupid. All I want, is to be happy. I really miss all the nonsensical crapping making me so high in the afternoons and at recess times. I miss all the guailaness of the 4L1's back of the class. They were all pretty much non-constructive but never meaningless. If you get what I mean. I know I'm always looking back in the past even though it has been way time for me to move on. Because my Moon lies in Cancer, if you believe in horoscopes.

Because I like comfort zones, and resist changes a lot. And believe me when I say it's not a choice I made. It's just me. As much as I want to accept changes graciously, it takes plenty of time and strength psychologically.

Aights, at the end of this all, I just want to say, I hope this answers your question. And I'm not blaming you, I'm not disliking you in the least bit, I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm not trying to change the way you think, I'm not trying to make you guilty, I'm not saying no. I hope, you understand, you see what I'm going through, you can empathise with me. And most importantly, I hope that you can see I respect all your decisions, even though I might not agree. But even though I don't agree, there is no need to change anything at all, because there is really no right or wrong.

Go ahead. I'm fine.

Thank you, friend(s).

xoxo

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25 April 2007 @ 12:14 PM

Everything.

傻傻的勇气∕杨子楱 - VENK

最猛的是我有 傻傻的勇气
如果没有奇蹟 我创造一个给妳
好的坏的都是我的 要撑到底
妳让我相信我可以

梦想 紧紧握在手中
人就能自信满满的向前走
希望 收藏在胸口
心就学会 要说NO 拒绝脆弱

因为妳 在我的左右
因为心中有彩虹
(妳就是最闪亮的那颗星星 深深吸引了我全部的力量 oh我确定你就是我的唯一 Oh Baby you are my only love)

最猛的是我有 傻傻的勇气
如果没有奇蹟 我创造一个给妳
好的坏的都是我的 要撑到底
妳让我相信我可以

伤痛 让我开始不同
我哭过 更加成熟 决心已啟动
希望 收藏在胸口
心就学会 要说NO 拒绝脆弱

因为妳 在我的左右
因为心中有彩虹
(妳就是最闪亮的那颗星星 深深吸引了我全部的力量 oh我确定你就是我的唯一 Oh Baby you are my only love)

最猛的是我有 傻傻的勇气
如果没有奇蹟 我创造一个给妳
好的坏的都是我的 要撑到底
妳让我相信我可以

最猛的是我有 傻傻的勇气
如果没有奇蹟 我创造一个给妳
的坏的都是我的 要撑到底
妳让我相信我可以

曾经受伤的我 以为世界 只剩寂寞
是妳找回我笑容 妳的温柔 陪我 坚持到最后

最猛的是我有 傻傻的勇气
如果没有奇蹟 我创造一个给妳
好的坏的都是我的 要撑到底
妳让我相信我可以

最猛的是我有 傻傻的勇气
如果没有奇蹟 我创造一个给妳
好的坏的都是我的 要撑到底
妳让我相信我可以

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is a choice.
She quotes from someone else, and I quote her.

xoxo

2 comment(s)

23 April 2007 @ 10:22 PM

You drive me crazy.

School is making me so tired and stressed and frustrated and empty and worried and bad-tempered and CRAZY.

Everyday it's 9 to 5 and when I get home, I switch on the tv in an attempt to watch tv, but I fail. Because I will end up sleeping on the sofa. Actually, it's not that tiring too, but, somehow it feels tiring. Makes me wonder if I've got the 嗜睡症 or something like that.

Anyway, it's really a bugger to not be able to print the lecture notes. I learn lesser from lectures too. Even though I make an effort to go for lectures, it still isn't working. I've got to get my printer ink soon. If not, my GPA target will just get further and further and further until I lose sight of it altogether.

Today I met up with Hui'er before going to the lecture and we were both exclaiming about how much we don't think this is the right course for us. I don't know what happened along the way, but Year 1 really wasn't that bad. I enjoyed Year 1 actually. I like modules like MIEC and MAEC especially. And OB and BMGT were kind of theory so I don't mind them much, since theory is study and you will get your marks. Which really suits me, because, you know.

AIGHTS, is this really a wrong choice?

But on the other hand, I'm certain that once I get pass this semester, it will be much more easier to carry on this Diploma of Business Studies journey. So, I shall fight on. I can only hope that the CCAs I'm going to join with fill up the emptiness in me. I want to join Aikido, even if in the end no one joins with me because of the cost or any other reason. Me being adamant about this is definitely not related to the quite good-looking guy in Aikido though.

Ranting about everything makes it feel better. A bit.

Let us all not forget our GPA targets and take down all the notes in class. Which brings me to another worrying thought: What if despite all my extra effort my GPA doesn't improve? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is a bit more than negative.

xoxo

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22 April 2007 @ 1:18 PM

Yesterday

Yesterday was the shortest day of my life because I spent 3/4 of the day sleeping away. And the reason why I'm so tired is due to the astro meteor observation overnight thing. I only slept for at most 20mins during the observation thing before I received a call saying Sherwin they all were going home.

Anyway, it was great! I really saw the meteors. A few of them too. Not to mention a lot lot lot of stars. And there was Scorpio too, in the night sky. :) The night sky was really really really BEAUTIFUL. Hahas.

I think I just might continue this CCA. And not be CCAless.






想问为什么，我不再是你的快乐。

xoxo

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19 April 2007 @ 12:45 AM

<五个小八哥的故事>

and so it is Chew Shu Xian's bedtime storytime. :)

NOTE:
Before you read the story, there are points to note,
1)八哥 is a kind of bird, it's quite common in Singapore. It is the black bird with a yellow beak.
2)do not judge me to be crazy.


Once a long long time ago..................
There was a girl named S (for Smart) who was heading to school. As she sat down at the bus stop, she saw an interesting sight. There were 3 小八哥 who were crowding around the drain. One particular 小八哥 caught the attention of S. The 小八哥 was hopping around and flapping its wings frantically. It seemed as if it wanted to fly but no matter how hard it tried, it couldn't. The other two were watching the injured 小八哥. Then, due to its clumsiness from its injury, the injured 小八哥 fell into the drain. At this moment, the other 2 小八哥 flew across the road.

It turns out that at the opposite side of the road there were yet another 2 小八哥. The original 2 小八哥 chirped a lot to attract the attention of the 2 on the wall. However, the 2 小八哥s ignored the 2 (who were standing on the pavement). Angry, the original 2 flew up to the wall and started attacking them. The four of them become engaged in a bird fight and it lasted around 5mins.

After successfully driving off the 2 who were on the wall moments ago, the original 2 flew back to the side of the street where they were originally. They hopped and flew back to the drain where their injured friend had fallen into. There they hanged around the drain, and all this while moanings can be heard from the drain. After awhile one of the healthy 小八哥 hopped away and S assumed it to be off looking for food. The other one stayed behind, giving off occasional chirps, to chat with the injured bird. Even when strangers came close to them, the 小八哥 stood its ground and didn't abandon his injured friend.

And then, S' bus came.


THE END.


You know what's the theme of the story?
It is true friendship. It touched me. Did it touch you?

NOTE: THIS IS A NON-FICTION STORY.

xoxo

1 comment(s)

17 April 2007 @ 12:44 AM

TODAY

Just a day before the start of the new sem, I dreaded school. And then crazy thoughts start to wander all about in my head and I start to doubt my decisions. And then when I went to school today I realised I wasn't the only one.

AIGHTS.

I know you are right to say that of me, but at that moment I was, hoping for something else.

Happier stuff to talk about is me and yeeshian gave our names to so many ccas I wonder if I forgot any cca. Hahas. Crazy. At least I will have cca points then. Hopefully.

Friday don't rain ah. Hahas.

xoxo

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11 April 2007 @ 5:37 PM

It is about me.

I've sort of talked it out with my brother. Sort of because it wasn't verbal. I wrote a long, long letter.

You know how sometimes the close ones make you doubt yourself. Even if it wasn't intentional.

There are things I want to talk about, but I do not. Because I don't want to be an open book to whoever you are. Although I most probably am. Afterall, I'm not that hard to comprehend. From everything that I've said and blogged and done, I'm just me. Like a clean piece of glass. You see through me. Heck, there isn't even any fingerprints.

Why is it that at any point of my life, I blog?
(Of course that is after I've got in touch with the blogosphere.)

There's something about blogging that keeps me coming back for more. That's it. Blogging allows me to organize all the messy thoughts that have been going around in circles in my head. It puts it into words, sentences, paragraphs, passages. And that's why they stop going in circles anymore. They transform into straight lines (of words), become lined up properly, and this is important, because it lets me move on and deal with other more circles to come. After this, I do not dwell on the same point anymore.

Therefore, I blog as if no one is reading.

When I need to vent, when I have a hell load of things on my mind, when I feel like giving my views on certain matters, when I am confronted with a messy situation, when I feel strong emotions of any kind, when I need to talk but there's no one to listen, when I want to deal with things myself, when I want to retreat, when I do not want comments/advice/judging/feedback of any kind, when I do not need any interruptions, when I do not need any questioning or answers, this is it.

Blogging just allows me to achieve that balance in me.

Having said that, it is not that I do not welcome people to read my blog. It is a public thing afterall. Everyone has the ability to come in and, take a look around the house. Previously I've had some issues with that, and I ran away. But now I've more or less settled that, explaining the existence of this blog.

And this is when, I still remember that someone is reading.

Well, I just hope you can read and take it with a pinch of salt. Read my entries, and if you have something to say, comment or tag. If not, byebye have a nice day. The world still spins.

xoxo

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10 April 2007 @ 4:31 AM

In one week's time.

A few nights ago I dreamt of L1. We were cheering. I suppose it's the whole class, because I don't remember any faces. --" Anyway, it felt like we were in school or something, with all the other classes. I woke up smiling and laughing. And because still quite early (should be 2pm or something), I decided to go back to sleep again. Then, I dreamt of L1 again, but it was at a totally different scene. The guys (though I only saw Yan Ming and Tuan) were playing football of some sort, but they weren't using footballs. They were using pingpong balls. And somehow there was a cat on Tuan's head. And the only way to get rid of the cat, was to let the pingpong ball hit the cat, so that the cat would run off.


Hahas. Alright. Anyway, I finally got out of my beloved house again. Shirley and me were supposedly to meet up to get the Phantom of the Opera's tickets, but someone didn't bring her ATM card and tada, the plan couldn't go on. So in the end, we really just did a few things today: eat, talk, watch movie, take MRTs. Or for Shirley's case she didn't really watch the movie. She was sleeping throughout, and only watched the beginning and ending because she hasn't slept the whole night. Well, in any case, Miss Wong thinks it's worth the money to sleep in the cinema. Hahahas.

Well, I watched Meet the Robinsons, and it's really quite an entertaining and funny show. Hahahahas. I like it. Like combination of Jimmy Neutron the Boy Genius and the Jetsons. Hmmms, I wonder if you know what are the two cartoons I'm talking about.

Alright. This is my interesting life.
Hahas. I bet yours is more interesting than mine.

xoxo

0 comment(s)

08 April 2007 @ 2:46 AM

:)

Is it weird/ironic/nonsensical if I say my idea of perfection, has room for flaws?

Yeah, I'm doing one liner entries like WEIQIAN. Hahas.

And tada, I've discovered another blog yesterday. Needless to say, I shall present to you, his blog url: http://juliustrufflesdiary.blogspot.com/

Well, his blog is about his chocolates........ I'm just not good at this review thing. --" In any case, his blog has pictures of the chocolates and stuff, and they look really really really good. Plus, there's one picture of him in one of his entries. And. HE IS CUTE.

Ahahahahahaha.

I don't know. I have something for small eyes.
Okay, and tanned guys. But it's not applicable in this case.

Woohoo. End of story.

xoxo

0 comment(s)

06 April 2007 @ 2:27 AM

Wheel.

http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/Index.aspx?Type=view&bid=336

I like this post.

:)

http://pianissimo.wordpress.com/2007/04/06/the-absurdities-the-evils/

and I really love this post.

:D

Hahas. Maybe this entry will get longer.
Alright, maybe not.

xoxo

0 comment(s)

04 April 2007 @ 4:02 AM

When was the last time you heard your heartbeat?

When you lie on your side at night, with your ear closely on your pillow, do you hear your thudding heart? That strong heart that goes on beating, sending oxygenated blood to your entire body every moment of the day and at the same time receiving deoxygenated blood. The heart that's dancing to its own rhythm, even when you are asleep and it's forgotten.

When I was younger, I used to listen to my heartbeat at night and fall asleep. I remembered how strong and powerful it was. Yes, was. Because now, I can't hear it anymore. I'm making it sound like I'm already dead or something. Hahas. Of course not. It's more of me not exercising enough, not making my heart pump harder. My heart hasn't been put to good use these days.

I really need to exercise ah.

The heart's like one's family. The basis of us. It's where everything starts, where everything builds up. The very first love we experience once we entered this world, is, the love of your family members. The very first time you feel a sense of belonging, is, the belongingness to your family. Like a heart, you can't choose which one to have, and which one to throw away. Isn't it cool? :) Even if your heart is a problematic one, you can't hate it, can you? All you can do is to live with it. Take it as it comes. In primary school, I knew of a girl who was born with a heart problem. She had an additional hole in her heart. But she lived on, and I believe, is still living on. It's the same with family problems. You can't wish for a better one.

But because it's given to you unconditionally, with no terms attached, sometimes some take it for granted.

Like our heartbeat.

Some time ago my brother received a call from his friend, about her not having enough money to pay up at KBOX and seeking for urgent help. My brother asked me if I had money to lend it to his friend, and because I'm also very poor, I said no. Then my brother went to ask my parents if they could spare the money, and my dad agreed to help.

You know what I think about the whole thing? Absurd.

Come on, as a secondary student, how much more money do you expect your friend to have. And I'm sure my brother wouldn't come across as a rich kid or whatever. At such times, you approach your friend, who more or less has as much money as you, to ask for financial help. And in the end your friend's dad helped you out. Who are you to request for their help? Why are you entitled to their help? Shouldn't you be seeking help from your own family members instead? Ok, maybe one can argue that hey, she probably didn't want to cause worry and anxiety to her family, BUT, HELLO, you are causing some other family anxiety, you know that? And as family, I'm very sure they will help you out, even though the aftermath probably includes scoldings and nagging.

I'm not trying to say that friends shouldn't help friends, but, in this case, my brother clearly didn't have the abilities to help her as well. I'm just trying to highlight the fact that your family would have helped you out, because, THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY. They will be there for you. Why aren't they the first people you sought help from?

Aights, I guess this is a stage everyone goes through. Once, I was very childish and stupid too. I remembered that Sin Yee asked me (during sec 1, I think) how would I rank the three - family, friends and love, in order of importance. And I foolishly answered friends, family, love, or friends, love, family; I can't remember. The point is I ranked friends first and not family. And I didn't say that jokingly; it was after serious thought. Yeah, I was foolish.

Ok, so my point is? I love my family. And my heart. Tada. Abrupt ending. Lol.

xoxo

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01 April 2007 @ 4:32 AM

莫一些痛，我们都懂。

If given a chance, would you own a pet?

I guess my answer is no. Right now. Things might change many years later, I don't know. But now I won't. Have you ever been so denied, so restricted of one thing, that, even though you were once that passionate about it, you now find yourself silently accepting what has been forced upon you?

I wonder how many of such situations have I experienced. I think it's definitely not a single digit answer. Is it just me? Somehow it seems I always accept in the end. It might take time before I come to terms with it, but when I finally do, it's the entire thing I accept. It's not like I will say, "hey, it's alright, next time when I grow up, when I move out, I will have a pet and no one shall care". This might be something I will say at first to console myself, but at the later part of the story, I just totally abandon the whole idea of doing that one thing I wanted to do.

What I find myself saying is, yeah, maybe they were right.

I lack that stubborness, that determination, that attitude. Of course some would argue that it's not that bad a thing to be able to let go easily. Afterall, sometimes there's no point holding on and one's giving way will easily solve a conflict. If it makes it better for everyone, why not? Your mom will be happy. It's about the bigger picture.

Alright, that's what I always say to convince myself during the process of accepting. Like say, the third stage.

But what about the smaller picture? The unsatisfied me. The unfulfilled desire of mine. More often than not, I just let that little feeling disappear as time goes by. Maybe deep down it didn't disappear, it just settled itself in the dust, along with many other unfulfilled desires, going unnoticed.

It's just not a perfect world we live in. Someone's got to give up something. Someone's got to give way. If something's really meant to be yours, it will come back to you. You will have a chance to do it again. The way you want it.

(title is actually lyrics from YiDa's song, 那女孩. And I don't have the song. Hahas.)

xoxo

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